Category Archives: Non-Diabetes

Did I Really Just Say That?

Today, I walked into the restroom at work and looked into the mirror and my mind shot a thought back at me that I immediately subconsciously dropped my jaw at.As I was admiring how I liked how my hair dried curly-ish and not frizzy, it was as if I slapped myself.

“You’d actually be pretty if you wore makeup today.”

Suddenly it was like the other side of my brain shouted back “WHAT THE EFF?!”

It’s like I’m having a war within myself. The one where you conform to how a woman/lady should look based on the common norm or magazine cover with make up done and hair just perfect and clothes that fall just right and the one where it shouldn’t matter what you wear on your face because it’s essentially just paint that you’re using to hide your natural prettiness.

Honestly, I wish the whole thing around makeup would just go away. It doesn’t matter how good someone looks if their attitude is crappy and mean. You can talk to someone who has the perfect hair and makeup, but if they act like a witch, they look like one too.

So you know what? I don’t care if I wear makeup. I don’t care if I’m not the prettiest thing in town because I don’t wear it every day. I am who I am. Freckles, wrinkles, dark circles, and scars. And if you think someone has to wear makeup to be pretty, then you’re looking at the wrong part of them.

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Just Breathe

This post has nothing to do with diabetes. In fact, it’s one I’ve debating on sharing, but I’m choosing to do so anyway.

Divorce was one of those things taught to us that, as Christians, you could not break that vow to God unless one had cheated on the other and the marriage couldn’t be rectified or one was abusive. I can even remember a conversation my sister and I had after our parents had a fight: We were in the back yard with a bottle or a can trying to see who could destroy it the best, shouting the words “Oh yeah, well, if mom and dad ever split/got a divorce / etc, then I’d be this mad!” and *crush* the can or bottle. I didn’t realize just how true that feeling was until now.

When my parents divorced recently, it was as if my entire foundation was crumbling right before me and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. My parents’ separation and divorce was not amicable, thus causing a lot of tension around the subject for anyone who was close to it. As a grown 20-something woman who was married  and had a family of her own, I thought I could handle it. With all the crap that diabetes has always thrown me over the years, the one thing I could rely on being the same was family, and that even through the divorce, we were still family, so I thought I was okay. As time passes, I realize that I couldn’t and haven’t handled it.  In one year after my parent’s divorce, my dad was seeing someone and a year later he’s set to be remarried…actually, one month from today. Oh, and my mom has already been remarried for some time now. I was okay with the divorce, until new people entered the picture. My head hasn’t stopped spinning since.

As an adult, I know that I really don’t have a say in anything that goes on with either of them. They are no longer responsible for me, and technically, I was never responsible for them. But there are times, I feel as if I’m a kid who has lost everything. More than stick, brick, nails and shingles of a home (which, btw, is no longer my house that I grew up in.. I’ll never be able to take him there and let him see the room that mom grew up in, or show him his uncle’s footprint from when he was two years old and he propped his dirty foot on my bedroom wall and I never cleaned it off, or let him climb the tree I used to climb when I was a kid), I’ve lost the sense of foundation that I felt my life was built on. And, partly, I feel like my childhood was a lie.

As my dad’s wedding date approaches, I am becoming more and more anxious about these changes. Everything just seems to be happening so fast that I cannot wrap my head around it. It’s causing more and more panic attacks. I try to ignore my feelings, but the more I do, the worse they come to the surface. It happened again last night at my dad’s birthday/ meet’n-greet (yeah, it’s been two years and we are JUST now meeting her kids…a month before the wedding…. not going into that one). My heart went from “0-to-60” as it were, the room started spinning, and I started to black out. I thought it I moved around, I would be okay, but I wasn’t. We had to leave. I want everything to slow down to my mind can wrap itself around and I can accept these huge changes. But it’s not, and I don’t know how to handle them.

Until then, I’m learning to just breathe.

 

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There’s Still Good In The World

I rarely check an old email address that I have, but yesterday, I opened it. I don’t know why, I just did. There, sitting in my inbox as the second email from the top was an email with a subject of “Baggage Tag Recovery”. I started not to open it thinking, “oh wow, these spammers have gotten creative here”. But something about the email address it was from made me rethink my decision. So, hesitantly (and prayerfully, might I add – all I needed was a virus on my computer) I opened it up…

Hi Sarah, I work for TSA, and was on the ramp yesterday and found your bag tag. Normally they are left there to be thrown away, but I saw yours was unique [see attachment] and picked it up. Would you like for me to mail it back to you? By the way, I really enjoy your blog…you’ve posted a lot of great information!

Take Care;

Still.. I was scared. There was no way my bag tag could have ended up at the airport in which he said he was from. But then, I saw the attachment…

bag tag

I couldn’t believe it. My mouth literally dropped. Apparently, when Erik had gone out of town last month for a business trip, he left my bag tag on the luggage that had my blog business card in it! That tag is special to me because it was one my sister-in-law gave me a few years ago for my birthday.

I’m thankful that there are still nice, considerate people out there in the world. The TSA agent is mailing it back to me tomorrow. I hope he has a return address that I can send a formal “Thank you” to.

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15

Baby, today, you’re 15 months old! Wow! I know I haven’t written a letter since your birthday, but I thought maybe I could just stick to the milestones now.

You’re trying to feed yourself. What gives, mom? I’ve BEEN doing that! Yes, but you haven’t been using utensils. As a matter of fact, you utterly refused to use them. Now? You’re spearing those chicken pieces like they’re nothing. We’re still working on a spoon with your oatmeal though. While you’re incredibly cute when you’re incredibly messy… cleaning up the entire dining room is sorta getting old. Your dad has been such a good sport in doing it while I give you your bath, but we really need to work on that. You’ll get it though, in your own time… just like everything else.

Like mobility. You waited months longer than most babies to crawl. We worried about it then, and now? You’re a speed-demon around the house. Oh and chasing you is SOOO much fun! You giggle and laugh while run-crawling and periodically stop to look behind to make sure I’m still coming after you. Little times like that fill my heart with so much love and joy, I think it could burst. But now, you’re getting adventurous… or we’re trying to push you to be. You’ve been content to crawl around, even stand up and walk along as long as you have something to hold on to. But walking independantly? Well, that’s been a no-go for a few months now…. until this past week:

 

This is the third time you’ve taken steps. And right after this, your dad came home, and you took THREE whole steps without wobbling or anything! You’re doing such a great job!

Other things are that you’re saying “mama” and “dada” more clearly, as well as trying to say a few other things. But don’t worry – you can certainly get your point across when needed.

You’re continuing to grow by leaps and bounds. And I am SO looking forward to what it’s going to be like to decorate the house for Christmas this year! I’m sure I’ll have redecorated the house a bazillion times before Santa arrives. Until then, we’ll just keep watching you grow and enjoy every second of it.

I love you, sugarbear. ❤

Love, Mommy

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What’s New Monday No. 2

 Today is edition number two of my new What’s New Monday. What’s new with me?

For starters… Kip is taking steps two-by-two… and on one occasion, he was daring and took three! He still crawls around mostly because it’s his fastest mode of transportation at the moment, but you can see he’s trying to get comfortable with the idea of walking. He’s such a cautious child! And the weather is so awesome right now for the most part, and he’s more apt to try standing and walking while we’re outside, so I’m sure we’ll be spending lots of time out there.

Erik and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary this past Saturday. While it wasn’t the greatest of days and there’s so much I wish I could have changed, Erik made Sunday a special day by taking us to the beach to walk on the shore and then eat at our favorite restaurant. Kip loved seeing the water again… and in fact, tried to go towards it again like summer days. It was just the three of us. I know – anniversary dates are supposed to be for the parents… the mom and dad… but right now, Kip is still little and hasn’t hit the full-on toddler stage, so it’s not that big of a deal to bring him. In fact, I’d rather it be that way.

On the diabetes front – I’m still working on things. I’m still taking a lot of Ginger’s advice and working into my life (I’m a slow learner, it seems). I’ve not been dedicated to being gluten-free, and I pay the price for it.  I’ll learn one day, I guess. I’m hard-headded and some things take a while.

I received a surprise package Friday at lunch from Minimed:

It’s the new Bayer Contour Next Link meter that works with the pump the way that the other link meters have. I’ve been trying it out all weekend, and I’ll have to say, it’s pretty spiffy! I have some pros and cons of the system, but overall, it’s really nice. I would have loved to have had this one instead of the One-Touch meters. But, I have a whole separate post planned for this little baby.

And, just as I was writing this post, another unexpected present came:

Upon first review, I’m just not happy about it. It’s a hard plastic case with no bumper for shock-absorption if you were to drop it. I’m clumsy, and having that is a must for me. Also, it’s made my screen-protector peel up on the side and top. Also, I’m not sure how much I’ll be using it since I don’t use the iBG-Star that much anymore (another post on that later). I may do a give-a-way later. We’ll see.

I’ve also been making a huge decision. One that I’m sure I have irritated my best friend and my husband about for the past few weeks. With my friend being a diabetic and my husband being a techy geek man, I’ve been throwing both of them for loops about the differences between Minimed’s Revel and Animas’ Ping system, and their upcoming (pending FDA approval) pumps – the Veo and Vibe, respectively.  One day I’ll be completely one way, the next, I’ll the the other. Some days I’m leaning the fence both ways. It’s like trying to decide between an Apple product and an Android product.

Anyway, more on those topics later. That’s just what’s new this Monday for me. What about you?

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Happy

There’s not much I want or have to say today as I’m making a lot of decisions and choices about my diabetes care and what devices I’m going to use to best control it in the upcoming years in relation to what I can afford (deeep breath), so… without bogging you down with the worries of my mind, I’ll leave you with 2 cute pictures for this Friday:

Pulling the pumpkin’s “hair”

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What’s New Monday No.1

So… I have an inner dork alongside of my inner geek. Today, I’m going completely giddy over having to purchase index cards for flash-cards for my Medical Terminology course. I just cannot explain just how excited I am. I don’t even know why… But I am.

Also, I’m back to using my Verio IQ. I turned off the pattern alerts and tagging ability and I actually like it more without all of that turned on. Just prick, test, go. I use my Dexcom graph to analyze my data more than my meter reports anyway, so I just don’t have a need to tag them.

So, that’s what’s new. What’s new with you? 🙂

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