The X Point

Crazy title, right?

See, here’s the thing. A growing number of people in the DOC are hopping on the bandwagon  and not sharing A1c’s for fear that their rejoicing/ranting may induce feelings of failure or pride or compairsions between others… mostly failure. I have never been one to not share my A1c’s. Just as much as I share my BG numbers and comment on others with them, I’ve also shared A1c’s with others for the same reason. To me, it’s just an average of those BG’s that been shared anyway, so why hold back? But seeing as how it’s becoming more and more the “proper etiquette” rule to NOT share them… I’ll just share part of it.

Today, I got my results in from my endo appointment last week.

X.8

This was upsetting to me.

While others would probably rejoice over the result, I focused in on that last part. The main number, X, was one that I have been able to achieve for a while now, but the last part upset me, because usually, I have an X.0 or X.1 come back. The last couple of results that have come back were X.4 and X.3.

Now, IN all fairness, I thought the A1c would have come back at a much higher X level than it did, so for it to stay the same, I was happy. But since it did almost put me into another X bracket, I was upset. With everything that has happened over the past couple of months, I totally get it. I completely understand why it went up. I just don’t like it.

Part of me says I just need to loosen up. That it was a good number and just go with it. Then the other part of me that is scared crapless by threats of complications tells me that I’m not doing good enough and that I need to get my act together and get it back down.

When do you worry and when do you let go? When do you just say, “don’t worry about the whole thing, just worry about the X.” Or do you sit back and watch each and every single X point, since variations between X’s is roughly a 32mg/dL average? Or do you just concentrate on a range of X points… like staying between X.0 and X.5 is good enough for me and my endo?

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “The X Point

  1. Well, I’m surprised to hear that a growing number of people are not sharing A1cs; I thought I was in a clear minority on that one. But that’s not what this comment is about.

    I’ve tried to get away from comparing this A1c to the last one. As I’ve come to learn, having a (relatively) great A1C can be a curse — it leaves so much more opportunity for the next one to be higher and relatively no chance of the next being lower. I also find the constant inching-up of an A1c to be the kick-in-the-pants that I need to do better next time. Yes, it frustrates me, but it seems I’m the ONLY one it frustrates.

    My endo doesn’t seem to place much emphasis on A1C. Whether he doesn’t think the number is important or whether he doesn’t find it beneficial to focus on it, I don’t know. But he always looks at my individual numbers and trends and has a lot more to say about that than on the A1C. I guess it’s just a matter of perspective.

  2. Mary

    If you don’t focus on living, before you know it, life will have passed you by and all you have to show for it is great A1C’s. I think stress is a silent killer, so don’t stress too much over the A1C’s. If and when the complications come, I will deal with them. Not a day or moment goes by without thoughts of what and when to eat, how many carbs is that, what is my bgs, do i need to bolus, should i suspend my pump, where are those glucose tabs, did i forget to bolus, how will this exercisse affect my bgs, what’s that beeping, oh it’s me! Enjoy the adventure of life and keep smiling…. 8 )

  3. I must admit – I do worry about my A1C’s and I do get very upset if they goes up. I’m very hard on myself. Sometimes it motivates me, often times it just makes me feel bad about myself, or worse yet – hopeless that “I will never get the X.4 I had a few years ago”…Still though, I seem to be enjoying my life – and for the most part that’s more important than being obsessed with a number, which may or may not affect the possibility of complications at some point. So what I have to remember is: I can only do my best one day at a time – sometimes one BG at a time – and as long as I don’t see any significant jumps – I’ll be fine… 🙂

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