First off, my boss had surgery to replace a good portion of his skull cap that was removed July of last year due to a bone infection. I am glad he went through with it and had it done because we were all concerned for his safety. I mean, think about it… he was walking around for months without anything but skin and tissue to protect his brain! But, he came through the surgery great and is recuperating at home. Which (and I have NO problem whatsoever in doing this) leaves me to run the office. My stress levels are through the roof right now. See, I am not a confident person in reality. I worry over every move I make. So while I am here, I am on edge worrying if I’ve done everything right and trying not to freak out when I’ve forgotten something. Yes, I need a chill pill, I know.

My sugars have been up all weekend as well. They haven’t budged out of the 200-270 range, except when they decide to plummet right before bedtime or at 4am down into the 40’s. And with all the church dinners (one for Valentines day and one Sunday night for, well, I’m not sure what it was for other than to kick off our Revival half-week), eating what I can when I can in between, I haven’t been the best role model for a diabetic. Even with correction boluses and a site change, they still aren’t coming down. I finally set a temp basal at +30% and it seems to be helping somewhat.

Whatever this is that is causing my bgs to go haywire coupled with the stuff going on with my job and Revival every night through Wednesday night at my church has really got me drained. Reading over it, it sounds like it’s not that much and I should be able to handle it, and I should, to be honest, but for some reason, I can’t. I have no energy to do it. (I even took a nap yesterday instead of eating my lunch I had brought). If I am lucky to go to bed at 10 without a low to keep me up until 1am, I am still pretty much having to roll myself out of bed, even though I have overslept 30 minutes and am SOO late already.

I WANT to sleep for a few hours. I NEED to get back into the gym. I really want my life to go back to normal. Maybe next week…

Every time I would search for something to do to add the pictures to WordPress, of course the search engine would automatically pull up posts related to WordPress.org, not WordPress.com… two different platforms. The most I got into with making this web page was a good theme and a little bit of css editing. I am not good at all with HTML, so if I got into the WP.org stuff, I would be lost from day one!

Anyway, long story short, WordPress.com doesn’t allow certain embed codes, so most of the posts and programs that would generate a code for you, didn’t work. But I did run across one post by Gavin Wray of how to post a flickr slideshow via Vodpod, which can be found here. After trying over and over again to get the other codes to work, I was skeptical, but I tried it anyway.

Lo and behold, it works! So, all you have to do now to see my pictures is click on the new page link at the top. See?

Of course, you can always just go to my flickr D365 photoset page if you’d like! 

Ok, that’s all for now.

I also heard back from my endo’s office Tuesday. I have been waiting a week to find out what he wants me to do with my basal rates to prevent my lows. I know I can adjust them on my own, but I was to the point of “I just don’t know anymore. He’s the doc, I’ll let him figure it out”. Mind you, he’s a wonderful endo, but apparently he’s been swamped with patients. (I normally hear back the same afternoon I fax my numbers in.) I do have his cell phone number, but that is to be used for emergencies only. (Although I was tempted to call Friday when the whole low in the gym thing happened, and Monday morning’s “LOW” on the PDM.) We adjusted my basals down from 1.8 to 1.2u at night (WOW!) and down 0.2 every hour after that. It seems to have helped a lot! I didn’t drop low yesterday at all! So overall, that’s a reduction of 7.6u of basal insulin. AWESOME!

The only thing I question is they told me for workouts to drop my basal rate by 50% at the start of the workout and carry it on 3 hours after. Excuse me, but I’m feeling a little dumb here. What if my sugar is already a normally great number, like 80-ish or 100-ish…. and I start working out… wouldn’t I drop low from the basal rate reduction not having time to kick in? Just curious here.. I’m really confused and not understanding that one. Suggestions are much appreciated!

I made it with Photoshop. I was looking for something that would be my “icon” or representation of my blog. I knew I wanted a flower, but I wanted something that was more than just a simple, one or two color, standard pink flower. So, I actually combined three flowers into one. Why? Because it represents the three most important areas of my life to me. All three making up who I am. Making me… me.

The green represents health. When I think of “healthy”, it’s something that is alive and thriving. Most plant life, when alive and healthy, is green. I am alive, and for the most part, I am healthy. I used not to really care about my health. But since starting my blog, my health has become one of the most important things to me. I am careful about what I do to myself, and I do the best I can at taking care of my health.

The periwinkle – blueish color (not quite sure what it is, really) reminds me of the flowers that bloom in the spring. Spring means new life. That periwinkle means life to me. A new beginning. This blog has really opened me up about who I am as a person and a diabetic. It has helped me get out all the old feelings of loneliness, my own “winter”, and has helped me come alive. This blog is my personal Spring.

And, last, but not least, the light blue. It’s not the exact blue of the “World Diabetes Day” circle, but it’s close enough for me. This blog, of course, is about my diabetes. It is a part of my life. So, why wouldn’t it be a part of my flower?

All of these colors make up one flower as a whole. A diabetic with a new beginning focused on being as healthy as possible.

Okay, corniness over.

As always, I checked my sugar before and decreased my basal rate. Bg was 105, so I decreased it to -75%. I signed in and started my normal routine. Cardio is first. So I started out on the bike, did my time and moved to the “wave”. It’s this wonderful machine that’s like a ski/skating motion that works out your thighs and butt (which I NEED!).

I was over half way done and things started looking weird. There were white spots everywhere. I stopped feeling my legs. The sound coming from my headphones suddenly sounded loud and I wasn’t understanding what was being said. I stopped breathing normally. I got off the Wave immediately and went to the locker room to check my bg. I keep my meter supplies and glucose tabs in my bag in my locker. I sat on the the bench and waited for the magic number. Guessing it would be about 50-ish.

NOPE! 37… 3-7! I had to look twice to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. I grabbed the glucose tab bottle and poured out 4 and called my husband. He talked to me for a while to make sure I didn’t pass out. Mainly because by that time, I was so weak from the low AND the workout that I was afraid I would. I told him how low I was and he asked if I had anything to eat, and I answered “yes” with a mouth full of glucose tabs. He said he was about an hour away from being home and asked if I was going to be okay.

That did it. Here came the water-works. Okay?? Of course I’d recover from the low, but emotionally, no, I was NOT okay. I broke down and sobbed like a baby. I was SO glad no one came in. All I wanted was to be normal. I wanted to be able to go to the gym, workout, and leave and not worry about what my sugar was doing. All I wanted was someone who would really understand.

I signed out and left after my sugar seemed to be coming up. I told my husband to call his sister and let her know I was on my way and that if I wasn’t there in 30 minutes, to call him back. Even though I was low, I was upset that I was having to leave and couldn’t finish. It was the first time since starting the gym that I could not finish my workout. I was SO upset! I HATED diabetes!!!!

I tweeted what happened and got a lot of support and well wishes, which I’m so thankful for. My friend, George (ninjabetic) gave me a big ninja-hug. Now, I know it wasn’t a real, physical hug, but at that moment it was the best hug I had ever gotten. It was exactly what I needed.

So, my workout tonight was great, just incomplete. Thanks, diabetes. Once again, you remind me just how unnormal I am. But I am not going to let tonight stop me. I will be back again tomorrow. I will NOT be defeated!

Today, I had planned on eating a healthy breakfast of apple and granola, but my boss brought me a yummy cinnamon and raisin biscuit from Hardees as an apology for leaving me by myself yesterday. How could I resist????? I hadn’t had something this wonderfully sweet in weeks and this was just the thing to keep me from breaking and giving in. And to boot, it was only 7 WeightWatchers points. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, 7 points coulda went to something MUCH healthier, but this was worth it. It’s not like I eat it every morning. It was nice to have a little surprise.

Speaking of WeightWatchers, today was my day to weigh in. I’ve lost another 2 pounds! In total, I have lost 5.2 pounds to be exact. See, when I started this, I was (can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I’m being 100% honest in this blog…) 166 lbs. After much figuring and number crunching, my ideal weight without being super skinny and to put me at my wedding weight is 140. So, I really had a goal to lose 26 pounds.. but I rounded down and posted the “Lose 25 lbs” goal. Last week was a loss of 2.8 lbs and this week was 2.4. I know its a lot to lose fast, so I’m hoping that maybe it will slow down because I know it can’t be healthy.

Good news is, my insulin need has decreased 20% across the board and during workouts, it’s down 70%. My carb ratios and correction factor hasn’t changed yet, but I don’t really know if that does change. I can’t remember, to be honest.

Check back next week for another update!

I love reading quotes. I was reading through “success” quotes today trying to find one that would stick out in my mind when I’m working out at the gym. It’s one thing to start something and be completely in love with it, and another to keep up with it when the new has worn off and the fire is dying down.

Yesterday was the first day I really didn’t want to finish my workout. I don’t know why. My legs were killing me and I just didn’t want to do it. But I kept reminding myself of why I was here in the first place. I am here to lose weight. I am here to reduce my daily insulin needs. I am here to be as healthy as physically possible for a diabetic. I am here to become as healthy as I possibly can be to carry a child when the time comes.

When reading this quote, it spoke to me. My desire to be successful in being healthy and fit should be greater than my fear of giving up. And to a point, it is. My only other fear is that I will get to a point that I just don’t care and those things that drove me to take care of myself won’t matter as much. I’ll convince myself that I wasn’t that bad off. I wasn’t on a lot of insulin… I didn’t weigh too much… I was fat ‘n happy with a great A1c, enjoying all my rich foods, and dieting sucks. Of course, this frame of mind usually sets in when I’ve hit a plateau and my weight won’t go down for a few weeks.

The only thing that is different this time around is the responsibility I have to you guys. I know there are people out there cheering me on (like George, Stacey and Cherise) and that are proud of me for taking this bull by the horns and doing something about it. I’m no longer working out and trying to be a better diabetic just for me, but for them too. “Lead by example” is another quote that is used a lot. I want to be that person. Not necessarily a leader, but to be the example. The example to diabetics (all diabetics, not just Type 1) that being healthy as you can be can be done, no matter how hard it seems to be.

I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want to be an example of success. That is my motivation.

I have been to the gym every day except this past Sunday (I was running a fever from my cold). I will have to admit, it’s a lot of work, but once I get there, I love it. I get into this zone where I try to forget about everything going on outside of those doors and concentrate on myself. I HAVE to get myself to a healthy weight again. There’s no if’s, and, or but’s about it. I am miserable right now.

My meeting with the nutritionist there went okay. I question a lot of things she said, but am willing to try some new things. I understand I need to eat healthier, but some things she said, I didn’t agree with. One being that diabetics should steer clear of tropical fruits, like mangos, kiwi, and a few other ones she mentioned. I know they are high on the glycemic index and affect our blood sugar just as if we ate pure sugar, but most of us also know that there won’t be as bad of a spike if we pre-bolus far enough ahead to combat this. She also was going over meal examples and at one point she was going to suggest dark chocolate, I guess as a dessert for supper, but she stopped herself and said “Oh no, wait, you can’t do that, you’re diabetic…” and proceeded to backspace it out of the meal example sheet. This, in a way, made me mad. I know with me being on a diet, I have to limit sugar intake, but being diabetic doesn’t rule sugar out of my diet completely. I do have a knowledge of what chocolate can do to my blood sugar and I know how to combat it. And it’s not like I eat a Snickers bar every single day or something. I will enjoy a little dessert of maybe a few (few meaning 3 or 4) Hershey’s Kisses or maybe a fun-size Snickers or Butterfinger bar after supper occasionally, but that’s it. Never more than 10g of carb. It just surprises me how some people still believe that diabetics cannot have sugar. It definitely surprises me coming from her.

Not so say that everything she said was totally wrong. I have stopped eating so much red meat (used to be almost every night) and have opted for chicken or turkey. All breads and pastas in my house are how whole wheat, and I have taken a liking to granola with yogurt for breakfast. Biggest hurdle is the veggies. I have never been a veggie eater, but I am willing to try to do better and eat them. I am going to try to cook healthier meals, and actually take the time to make them. I have a bad habit of not wanting to cook healthy stuff because it takes too long. It’s easy to throw a pizza in the oven or make hamburger helper. That’s got to change. I’ve got to do better. Not only for me, but for the hubby too. I am drinking a LOT more water now as well. I’m down to one 20oz caffeinated beverage (usually Diet Mountain Dew) and the rest is water. I have a 1 liter bottle that I try to drink and refill and drink by the end of the day.

I do notice that I feel better since doing all of this. I have more energy to get through the day, which in part is because I’m sleeping better. And, to top it all off, since starting the gym, I have lost 2 pounds! YEY for me! I’m hoping its in a good way and I’m burning fat and it’s not just water-weight though. I’m meeting with the trainer again on Tuesday for my second assessment and I am hoping to have my workout changed a little bit. I’ll write and give you guys an update Wednesday (hopefully).

I am hoping I will be a good girl and start eating right again. My weakness? Cereals and sweets. Especially Frosted Flakes! Oh. My. Gosh! I dropped low this weekend and, no lie, I ate 3 bowls of this stuff! I cannot let it in my sight! And, of course, sweet things like candy and cakes. Virtual sweets are accepted though, as Sarah Jane and I shared this morning. No fat, no calories, no points.. just 100% goodness!

Hopefully I will be able to stick with it and use all these tools to help me with my weight loss. I can track the treadmill time, but not sure how to track the weights. I may just leave it out so it will be a bonus for me!

After getting all my figures calculated, the machine got me started on a program. “Lean Program for Beginners” I think is what it was called. I was given a round of cardio and body weights. The cardio was not what I  expected. I thought I’d be on the treadmill not being able to keep up. Nope. Instead, when I plugged my key in, It wanted me to walk for 20 minutes at 0.9 miles per hour and 0% incline! That’s SLOW! I really felt bad then! I honestly thought to myself, “How out-of-shape does that machine think I am?” Thank goodness you can change the settings. I bumped it up to my normal 3.0 mi/hr at a 1% incline for 30 minutes.

Then came the body weights. I was doing pretty good until we got to the shoulder stuff. That’s what’s killing me this morning. I could take the stomach curler, bicep curl, and all that stuff, but it’s the shoulder press that really got me! I can do everything else, I especially love the leg pushes (except for the fact that I’m a little short for the meter. It doesn’t think I’m doing full reps, but I am. I can’t help that God made me on the short side!). 

All in all, it takes about an hour to do the full workout if you are able to go from one machine to the other. It took me a little longer last night because sometimes someone was using the machine I needed. (There’s a few machines that they only have one of.) I am just excited to be able to have a full gym close by that has great equipment and that can set you up on a personal plan instead of one you join and you just pick and choose what to use, not having any idea what you’re doing.

Best thing about it to me though was that I was able to keep a great bg through the workout and ended up with a 97 bg by the end! Whoohooo!!!

They also have classes you can take. There’s one that’s a Latin dance / exercise class that looks REALLY fun. I may try that next week in place of a workout. We’ll see!